Faith

Faith means living with uncertainty - feeling your way through life, letting your heart guide you like a lantern in the dark.

Dan Millman

 

Music and the authentic self

Music would be in the top 3 conversation topics in our house. We often debate about who was the best Beatle and what our top 10 desert island disks would be. This topic of conversation has a lot to do with my wonderful and very creative boyfriend Ian who has been involved in the music industry in different capacities for the last 15 years. I can safely say that music is his life long love. I am not unhappy about this; it’s amazing to be exposed to new music almost daily without having to find it for myself. It’s also wonderful to listen to his musical creations and share his excitement when he has completed a new project. I am a little spoiled to tell you the truth.

I am inspired when he talks to me about music, his eyes light up and you can hear the happiness in his voice. He is one of the lucky ones; he doesn’t see what he does for money as work as he is doing what he loves! I acknowledge that it’s not easy to find work that you love. I mean work is work, the word itself is seen as somewhat negative, but we all have choices, and Ian decided a long time ago to follow his passion and create a working life that reflected his authentic self. 

Is your working life reflecting your authentic self?  Does this matter to you?

Where are your listening ears?

Listening, as an extrovert is something that doesn’t come naturally to me. However over recent months I’ve made a conscious effort to practice the skill of listening. The way I see it, listening holds incredible power and I’ve recently began to discover why….

I was sitting in the board room, at a weekly management meeting with the usual suspects in attendance. Rather than getting caught up in the usual exchange of conversation, which generally never results in any major outcome anyways (this isn’t being negative, it’s the truth), I instead decided to observe the behaviour of a particular manager, and the style in which he engaged, or in this case, failed to engage with his team. The Manager, a highly extroverted and vocal individual had an ongoing tendency to cut off his staff mid sentence. The worst part about it is he’d ask them a question, and before they'd even get a chance to answer, he would bluntly cut them off. It’s quite ironic given the manager is regarded as an excellent communicator within the business. One could probably not argue his ability to articulate highly complicated bits of information, and his ability to think and respond quickly on his feet. Undoubtedly this manager’s verbal communication was a major strength, but whilst I was in the meeting, what had occurred to me was he rarely listened to his team. At which point I scribbled on my note pad:

Listening = Connection = Trust.

Without trust in the workplace, there’d be no business. No major deals were ever made without some sort of trust cultivated. Would you pay anyone big bucks to provide you with a service if you didn’t think you could trust them or the work they did? And what about the manager in this case? Would our meetings be more interesting and inspiring if he really listened to his staff? Probably yes. The point I’m trying to make is that through the process of listening, ideas cultivate, build and grow.

As you can probably imagine, this story is all too common in the workplace. Competitive or combative listening, or the way I’ve described it in the past, ‘ego’s at play’, is the type of listening that happens when we are more interested in promoting our own point of view than in understanding or exploring someone else’s view. We either listen for openings to take the floor, or for flaws or weak points we can attack.

So how do we become better listeners?

Through active or reflective listening we are genuinely interested in understanding what the other person is thinking, feeling, wanting or what the message means. And it it’s only through active listening that we become better listeners.

Here are some ways we can listen more effectively:

Eliminate outer distractions – Giving someone your full attention is very important whilst listening, so tune out from all that is going on around you and make your focus on the individual only.

Eliminate inner distractions - Turn that voice off in your head and don’t allow your mind to wander. Work on your presence. By being present your focus will be outward and not inwards.

Pay close attention to body language - and in particular the face and hands. Watch for non-verbal cues giving suggestions as to how the spoken information is to be interpreted. Also be mindful of your body language. Your eye contact is key to good listening.

Listening to tone – will allow you understand the persons emotional state beyond words. By listening to tone we are listening for ‘what isn’t being said’. Through tone we can learn a lot about the individual like their culture and their values.

Resist the urge to respond or react – Silence is powerful. Let the words communicate with you freely. They are not free if you are already deciding what you're going to say.

To listen effectively is a powerful skill that can be learnt and practiced. You will gain more respect and esteem through listening rather than through talking. So take more time in your day to listen to people. You will be amazed with the results you get.

The power of listening

The wise old owl lived in an oak;
The more he saw the less he spoke;
The less he spoke the more he heard:
Why can't we all be like that bird?

Edward H. Richards

This beautiful owl is made by a Melbourne based artist called One Red Robin. I am lucky enough to own one of these little beauties…she is one of a kind and I call her Dorothy. You can check out One Red Robbin's work here: http://oneredrobin.com/

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

I was having a conversation with my business partner, Ana, last night. She brought up the issue of the inner critic. We (Ana and I) are in the start up phases of our new coaching business, Jumpup. It’s a very exciting time! We are both extending ourselves greatly and learning lots. Along with the excitement and wonderful feelings of doing something we truly love, we have noticed the voice of self doubt that occasionally creeps in. Ana was kind enough to share with me her methods of handling the inner critic and I in turn have shared some of my own.

1. Surround yourself with believers
This is not just your parents and other family members; whilst these guys are a fantastic cheer squad it is the people in the same industry, your network who really believe and understand what you are doing. You can find these people everywhere; you just need to know where to look. Try Facebook, twitter and other blogs. They are out there! Also don’t forget to be a believer for someone else!

2. Respond positively
One of the keys to managing the inner critic is to respond positively. Change the flow of the energy and answer it back with a positive spin.

3. Write a letter
Disarm your inner critic by writing it a letter, tell it to go away, give it a silly name that makes you laugh when it appears in you mind. This will take the power away from your critic.

4. Learn
Your inner critic often points out areas of weakness in your life. When this happens, note what the inner critic is saying and take effective steps to make some changes in your life.

5. Challenge
When you start to doubt your actions, ask yourself, what would happen if I just did it? What is the worst thing that could happen and what is the best thing that could happen? And lastly, feel the fear and do it anyway!

We all have an inner critic, what are some ways that you manage yours?

Creative inspiration

The creative talent in this world never ceases to amaze me. I find so much inspiration in seeing others showcase their talents and acheive recognition for it. I have a great appreciation for how much hard work, time and energy this young man must put in to perfect his craft....simply amazing!

That anxious feeling

I am sitting in my back garden writing this post, it’s Sunday, the sun is shining and the birds are chirping, it’s very relaxing really. Life is not always like this, there are times when we let worry and stress get the better of us, we are time poor and task heavy. One of the things I have been working on lately is managing my anxiety levels. I want to acknowledge that anxiety comes in different forms for everyone, for me, it is when my chest tightens up, my breath becomes laboured, and my thoughts race and I begin to feel out of control. This usually happens to me when I become overwhelmed with my workload, I feel pressure to perform and I let my thoughts run wild. It’s taken me a while to get to the point where I recognise this and for me that was one of the biggest things with learning to manage it.

4 ways to help manage anxiety

Recognise what drives your anxiety
The first step in managing anxiety is to identify the specific situations that are making you stressed or anxious and when you are having trouble coping. One way to do this is to keep a diary of symptoms and what is happening when anxiety occurs. It is also helpful to identify any worrying thoughts as this can lead to finding ways to solve the specific problem that is of concern. When we have a clear view of what drives our anxiety, we can determine if it’s worth holding onto.

Challenge your anxiety
Now that you have recognised what it is that is driving your anxiety it’s time to challenge it. Take one or two of the worries you have written down and ask a few questions of it.

1. What is the worst thing that can happen?
2. What is the best thing that can happen?
3. What strategies can I put in place to manage this anxiety?
4. What advise would I give a friend in this situation?

Awareness is the precursor to relaxation. Take note of what is happening in your body when you are undertaking this exercise; be aware of how your body and mind reacts.

Learn to relax
Relaxation means different things to everyone. Understanding what it means to you will help you manage your anxiety and find your perfect way to switch off and let your mind and body release built up tension. Different relaxation techniques are as follows:

Exercise

Regular exercise will help to reduce anxiety by providing an outlet to let off stress that has been built up in your body.

Write
Get your worries out of your head and down on paper. It’s amazing what writing a list or a journal can do for my
anxiety levels

Meditation
Take time to sit quietly with yourself, turn off the television, take the phone of the hook, find a place where you wont be disturbed and breath deeply, notice the thoughts that come into your mind and then let them go. There are many different forms of meditation, you can purchase self-guided meditation, attend meditation workshops, learn from a self-help book, or simply create your own meditation.

Create lightness in your life
By creating lightness in our lives we let go of stress and worry. Creating lightness is not as hard as it sounds.

1. Engage your ears – Listen to soothing music, Enjoy the sounds of nature – birds singing, waves crashing on the beach, wind rustling in the trees
2. Laugh – Don’t take life so seriously. Laugh at yourself and with others. Laughter is a wonderful way to alleviate tension and stress
3. Reflection – Take time each day to reflect and be grateful for all the good in your life, you will be amazed at how good it makes you feel to focus on the positives.
4. Let go of your responsibility for others – Understand that you are not responsible for other people’s thoughts and actions. Take note that where other people are in life is exactly where they need to be, don’t judge them or try to make them do it differently. By letting go of the need to feel in control of others, we create more room in our minds to focus on what is important for us.

These are just some ways I have found useful to mange my anxiety, what do you do you find helpful?

Laughter is the best medicine

If the pressure is getting to you, take 4 minutes to watch this, it will make your day!

Remember When You Were A Kid?